Work - Starring Jordan Welsh, narrated by Morgan Freeman

When we last left you Jordan was being felt up by what can only be described as a wild snorlax, being tormented by Children and drinking his weight in slushies. This week, not much has changed. Work is presented today before you by Morgan Freeman and filmed infront of a live studio audience.

It's 9:45 and Jordan's having a quality dream. One of those dreams you get where it's pretty much a high action movie and you don't want it to end. As the dream heats up in action Jordan is woken up by his phone. Furious that this fantastic dream has been interrupted he strikes down upon the phone with great vengeance and furious anger. Then there is silence. Happily he lays back on his pillow hoping to get back to sleep but it was not to be as the demonic ringing starts again. He reluctantly answers it, hoping it might at least be good news, imagine his face when he realises it's Bayswater Waves Cafe overlord Twee wanting him to come in.
"Jordan I'm running late can you go in now"
"Now?"
"Now."
With a mighty sigh Jordan heaves himself out of bed, whips on his clothes and is out the door, grumpy, tired and hungry.

First things first, Jordan grabs a slushy. This cheers him up but only slightly. A few hours whiz past as he puts on a poor fake smile for the customers and holds back his grumbles. Things take a turn for the worst as the WILD SNORLAX appears. Jordan was all out of ultra balls so there was nothing he could do. To start her shift she gives him a hefty elbow in the side. Then conversation begins. "I'm such a great person, my weekends are so good, I always go out, This one time...." After five minutes of this persistent self obsessed conversation Jordan thinks to himself "What would Fin do?" Halfway through one of her sentences he picks up a chip box and throws it on the ground. "Pick it up." He demands. "No I'm not your slave" She mutters back. The trick worked as slightly upset she walks off. To celebrate his victory Jordan awards himself another slushy.

Wild snorlax was not Jordans biggest problem however, despite her random slaps on various body parts and conversations that deteriorated Jordans IQ at least she wasn't poisonous. For the majority of the day he was hounded by one particular asian who's only goal was to bring the mighty Jordan to a sicking end. "Try this nectarine, try this vegetable juice, Jordan I make you this." It is a miracle he's still standing as the vegetable juice tasted like foot and burnt hair. Jordan eventually succumbed to a cheese croissant which was a dangerous thing for him to eat given that it's prepared in possibly the most unhygienic kitchen known to mankind. Never the less it tasted reasonably good and did not put up much of a fight in his stomach.

By 3.00 Jordan is understandably bored and fed up with this whole work thing. With no babes to look at he decides to take his boredom out on unsuspecting customers. A child of about 12 enters the fray. "How much is sauce?" He asks. "2cents" was the instant reply. The boy responded by looking at a five cent piece, then looking back at Jordan, then the five cent piece again. "How do I do that?" He eventually asks. In the end the boy did get the sauce and Jordan was marginally less grumpy thanks to the poor entertainment he provided himself.

4.00 is cleaning time so naturally Jordan is to be found as far away from the shop as possible while still getting payed. He's taken the bin bags around to the big bin outside and is now lying on the grass in the sunshine drinking a slushy. After 15 minutes or so he decides to head back and is devastated when he finds that there has been no progress what so ever in the cleaning. By 6.00 he's widdled his way past cleaning and heads for the exit, glad that the day is finally at an end.