The horrors of boredom.

Today I was bored. Really, dangerously bored. The Internet was down, Dad was messing around with the power and every single friend of mine had vanished. Naturally I decided to go back to my roots, those good old days when I was six, pitting my toys against each other and making pew pew noises as a means of entertainment (come on, I know you've all done it). After at least 45 minutes looking under the house for suitable candidates I ended up with the greatest group of fighters the world has ever seen.

Professor Sebastian Lightyear

Weighing in at 6 grams Sebastian, the local Perth lad is a favourite to win this competition. Prior to this event Sebastian was flying from planet to planet in search of Osama bin Laden and helping local alien life. With a neat blinking light that doesn't work anymore and a deactivated Jetpack it's no wonder he's beloved by everyone in San Diego.

K7f37gf Super Bot Deluxe Ultimo 1200
Not much is known about K7f37gf Super Bot Deluxe Ultimo 1200 except that it was created by everyones favourite German president, President von Hindenburg in 1933. It has been said that K7f37gf Super Bot Deluxe Ultimo 1200 is capable of warming up burritos, much like a microwave and that it can travel through time. In high school it was voted, most likely to suck eggs so it's going to be interesting to see what it can produce.




Mr.Smith
With a name as original as that, he's won the hearts of many of the local ladies. This mountain climbing, astronaut billionaire cowboy has ticked every achievement off except one, to win this tournament. He faces stiff competition but wields a powerful torch with the unimaginable ability to light dark areas.

El-Salvador
Brother of the infamous Trogdor the burninator, El-Salvador lives an alternative lifestyle. A strict vegetarian with no physical strength at all, this Mexican folk legend depends largely on his intelligence. He loves fine art and classical music and would much rather help needy African children or read a book than fight however Sweet Raptor Jesus has stolen his reading glasses and will only give them back if he beats him in the tournament.






Sweet Raptor Jesus
Sweet Raptor Jesus went extinct for your sins but now he's back. For revenge. Sweet Raptor Jesus only entered this competition as a way of legally slaughtering arch nemesis El-Salvador who once slept with his misses. Sweet Raptor Jesus is armed with nine inch nails and a mighty intellect, capable of opening doors in under five minutes.

Michael Owen Card

To be honest the only reason Michael Owen Card managed to get into this elite tournament was that I couldn't find any more toys. Michael Owen card is blessed with an inability to score, both goals and with ladies. He has the strength of a school girl and I'd be quite surprised to see him even make it to his first match uninjured. The only thing Michael Owen Card has working for him is the fact that he's wearing a Newcastle Kit which appeals to the completely bias tournament king, me.



Round One is as follows:
Michael Owen Card vs Mr.Smith
Sebastian Lightyear vs Sweet Raptor Jesus
El-Salvador vs K7f37gf Super Bot Deluxe Ultimo 1200


With this lineup of ultimate fighting beings the tournament can begin. So vote for your favourite in the box provided to the left, donate all your money to me and we'll have the results of round one posted soon.


Disclaimer: I'd just like to point out that at no stage during the making of this tournament did I ever smash two opponents together and make pew pew noises as this would be widely viewed as immature. Seriously I didn't. Not even once. I'd also like to add my apologies for the pathetic photos, no one would tell me where the camera was so I had to use my phone.