Football Fans: They're a funny breed. Some of them are good people, others are complete tossers. Either way let's journey down the uncharted depths of football fanatics.
The Lunatics
Recognizable by an unbelievable amount of tattoos and piercings. Capable of swearing and shouting for every single minute of the 90.
Jordans Fan Rating: 6/10 - They gain points for keeping the game alive with songs, chants and the like, however they loose points for the stabbings, riots and such that's frowned upon nowadays.
The I Like Yelling Fan
Not much is known about The I Like Yelling Fan. An IQ of 4 is a key feature. Classic Quotes include:
Leading 3 - 2 *Come on Harnwell score the winning goal*
DONT PASS BACK
DONT FUCK UP
PELLIGRINO YOUR SHIT
TAKE HIM OFF
SHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTT *This ones a bitch. Anytime the ball is even remotely close to the goal you get this one. No matter what the angle, what better options there are SHOOOOOOT'S the call by The I Like Yelling Fan.
Generally this type of fan has very little knowledge, of offside, off the ball play, defending, possession play and many other key aspects of football. The aim of a crowd is to get under the skin of the opposition and to support their team, shouting profanities and insults at their own players isn't good at all.
Jordans Fan Rating: 3/10 - Some are Ok. Most are not.
The Part Time Fan
Distinguishable by little passion, little knowledge and no commitment. Classic Examples are nine out of ten Chelsea and Liverpool fans. Often don't know how their team went or any football history what so ever. To put it in perspective, spends more time washing their hair than watching games.
Jordans Fan Rating: 6/10 - Some of them are capable to sustain conversation, some of them even have a hint of passion but most have very poor knowledge of their team and basic football history.
The Wikipedia Fan
It's like talking Christianity with God himself. The Wikipedia Fan knows all there is to know. All arguments end up in this fan being right.
Jordans Fan Rating: 8/10 - Can answer all football questions, good supporter and loves football which are all quality qualities in a fan.
(*cough* henry sims *cough*)
Sunderland Fans
Scum.
Jordans Fan Rating: 1/10000
The "I'm only here to get Chicken Treat" Fan
A Classic example is my sister. Back in the day when I went with my dad and sisters the entire game was spent listening to her ask over and over "Whats the score, how long till we get food, who's that and various other infuriating questions. Also due to the young age of this fan you can't swear around them. Just today one of these fans's dad turned around and asked us to watch our language. What the fuck. We payed for these seats, you can see the shitty decision on the field, I'm going to god damn swear if I want to. Shit.
Jordans Fan Rating: 1/10 - Unbelievably annoying. There's nothing worse than trying to watch a game and have someone constantly bugging you for food or with stupid questions.
All in all any football fan is a good one, excluding the Sunderland fans but today conversation arose of a 'perfect' fan and this is what I envisioned.
25% basic knowledge of their club, current fixtures/standings and general history. Not a biblical knowledge like Henry and not a blinding plastic with no knowledge what so ever.
25% Passion, which is what the game is about.
5% Decent story of why they support their club
10% Actually watches games.
35% Supports Local Club. This is a big one. If you don't support your local club you have no right to support an overseas club. End of Story.
OK Rant over. I may have offended a few people. Others I may have bored to death. It's going to be interesting to see what the World Cup brings out fan wise.
The Lunatics
Recognizable by an unbelievable amount of tattoos and piercings. Capable of swearing and shouting for every single minute of the 90.
Jordans Fan Rating: 6/10 - They gain points for keeping the game alive with songs, chants and the like, however they loose points for the stabbings, riots and such that's frowned upon nowadays.
The I Like Yelling Fan
Not much is known about The I Like Yelling Fan. An IQ of 4 is a key feature. Classic Quotes include:
Leading 3 - 2 *Come on Harnwell score the winning goal*
DONT PASS BACK
DONT FUCK UP
PELLIGRINO YOUR SHIT
TAKE HIM OFF
SHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTT *This ones a bitch. Anytime the ball is even remotely close to the goal you get this one. No matter what the angle, what better options there are SHOOOOOOT'S the call by The I Like Yelling Fan.
Generally this type of fan has very little knowledge, of offside, off the ball play, defending, possession play and many other key aspects of football. The aim of a crowd is to get under the skin of the opposition and to support their team, shouting profanities and insults at their own players isn't good at all.
Jordans Fan Rating: 3/10 - Some are Ok. Most are not.
The Part Time Fan
Distinguishable by little passion, little knowledge and no commitment. Classic Examples are nine out of ten Chelsea and Liverpool fans. Often don't know how their team went or any football history what so ever. To put it in perspective, spends more time washing their hair than watching games.
Jordans Fan Rating: 6/10 - Some of them are capable to sustain conversation, some of them even have a hint of passion but most have very poor knowledge of their team and basic football history.
The Wikipedia Fan
It's like talking Christianity with God himself. The Wikipedia Fan knows all there is to know. All arguments end up in this fan being right.
Jordans Fan Rating: 8/10 - Can answer all football questions, good supporter and loves football which are all quality qualities in a fan.
(*cough* henry sims *cough*)Sunderland Fans
Scum.
Jordans Fan Rating: 1/10000
The "I'm only here to get Chicken Treat" Fan
A Classic example is my sister. Back in the day when I went with my dad and sisters the entire game was spent listening to her ask over and over "Whats the score, how long till we get food, who's that and various other infuriating questions. Also due to the young age of this fan you can't swear around them. Just today one of these fans's dad turned around and asked us to watch our language. What the fuck. We payed for these seats, you can see the shitty decision on the field, I'm going to god damn swear if I want to. Shit.
Jordans Fan Rating: 1/10 - Unbelievably annoying. There's nothing worse than trying to watch a game and have someone constantly bugging you for food or with stupid questions.
"Whats the score?" "How Long Till Half Time?"
All in all any football fan is a good one, excluding the Sunderland fans but today conversation arose of a 'perfect' fan and this is what I envisioned.
25% basic knowledge of their club, current fixtures/standings and general history. Not a biblical knowledge like Henry and not a blinding plastic with no knowledge what so ever.
25% Passion, which is what the game is about.
5% Decent story of why they support their club
10% Actually watches games.
35% Supports Local Club. This is a big one. If you don't support your local club you have no right to support an overseas club. End of Story.
OK Rant over. I may have offended a few people. Others I may have bored to death. It's going to be interesting to see what the World Cup brings out fan wise.
ha, who saw the arsenal-man city game?
ReplyDeletei thought it was fucking hilarious when adebayor sprinted the whole field and slid in front of the arsenal fans and they started throwing shit at him. The van-persie face stomp wasnt so cool, but i hate van-persie so no sympathy from me. GG adebayor
this post made me laugh a lot. i don't think i'm classified as any of those fan, especially The "I'm only here to get Chicken Treat" Fan.
ReplyDeletehaha henry sims the wikipedia fan. I'm pretty sure i'm no bandwagon, because I know my team pretty well, and its history. I also know the history of other players/clubs outside chelsea fc and i also know my statistics as well!
My rating under Jordan's rating of a perfect fan, is probably 90%. i have the knowledge, passion, a decent story of why I support my club, and i do support perth glory in which I know some history of.
I don't watch games, because I don't have Foxtel, but I do use live scores, and I know fixtures.
oh and jordan why do you hate sunderland?
ReplyDeleteyeah I saw that match riley, now all arsenal fans hate him. adebayor played very well. good attacking and also came back to defend, that stomping incident was not cool though, he might get banned for 2 matches for that if the officials have a closer look at the incident.
Man City might actually get into the top 4.
i'd say im 85% round abouts. I cant watch the games because i dont have foxtel, but i watch all the highlights the next day on www.footytube.com and live scores sometimes.
ReplyDeleteI cant remember exactly why i started supporting liverpool; it was a while ago. I think it was because of harry kewell or something. But i have a good knowledge of the club and am no bandwagon rider. And anyone who walks into my bedroom will understand how passionate i am =-P
and yes i support glory. we got bullshitted today with that fucking ref
ReplyDelete@Jordan, Loved the post, hilarious
ReplyDeleteI think I am about 25% fan :/
"anyone who walks into my bedroom will understand how passionate i am"
fuck that sounded bad Riley
@Tonga, you can watch all the EPL games on www.iinet.net.au/freezone
@Tonga again; Sunderland and Newcastle are like nemisis, even I know that one :D
speaking of nemisis, the internets tells me Villa had a close win against Birmingham City
ReplyDelete;D
maybe i wanted it to sound like that...
ReplyDeleteand tonga means live i think
Lulz.
ReplyDeletewtf am i? im not a part time fan or wiki pedia, and im sure as fuck not a lunatic, sunderland scum, the I like CHICKEn fan or the yeller
ReplyDelete